Viva Las Vegas

Sometimes I do things that afterwards I realize fall under the category of ridiculous.

I can now scratch off my checklist of Things I must do before I die:

-Sleep in my car
-Drive to Vegas at 1:30 at night
-Sleep at a truck stop

That’s right I’m living on the edge but mostly rationality abandoned Jennie and I Saturday night as we made plans to go to Vegas after the Band of Annuals show up in SLC. Jennie was like “I’m not even tired” (Though it was only nine PM). And I put forth my usually philosophy that you only live once. However, little convincing was necessary because we had already made up our minds…Viva Las Vegas. Well about the time I got to Fillmore my eyes started to burn and the road began a game of trickery where it danced in various directions and created all sorts of illusions. And I knew right then and there that I could never be a truck driver.

We ended up at the Sands otel (occasionally Motel as the M flickered back into position).


We were greeted by a belligerent couple who had just gotten into a bar fight. One fella about my age was missing his socks and shoes and his toe was a bloody mess. They shared their whole life story with us then offered the other bed for us to sleep in. We kindly refused. And decided that we would sleep a couple hours in the car. We pulled in front of Lori’s old condo and we drifted off to sleep. 15 minutes later I woke up to find my limbs were numb and my breath was visible. We tried to sleep but gave up on the idea entirely. Who knew St. George was so miserably cold at night?! We were back on the road again…



But again the road started to dance in front of my car and I struggled to stay on the path of its two-step. And that is how we ended up at the truck stop outside of Vegas. A quick nap turned into hours and hours of sleep, maybe some of the best sleep of my life.

Well we finally made it to Vegas. And we played and shopped and ate. And it turned into a great day and an even better story.

However I’m still curious, whatever happened to that poor boys socks and shoes?!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Though my heart and arteries may think otherwise, I’m grateful for this land of corpulence. Though, in obesity, Americans may be pouring out of their designer clothing, I'm grateful we’re not hungry in America. My cupboards are always stocked, my belly is always full and my tastebuds are always happy. I’m grateful for milk and honey and when feeling sinful a chocolate truffle cake.

For technology. That mechanical doors really do open like we trust they will and for cruise control so my foot can rest till it has arrived at its desired destination.

For virtual connections. So I can keep tabs on all the people in my life, whether they know it or not.

For simple pleasures. Coca-Cola. Lunch dates. Good movies. Reuniting with old friends. An album I can play from start to finish a thousand times. And chocolate, not the waxy kind but the velvety kind that coats my mouth and makes me happy.

I’ve said this before, I’m thankful for good friends who like to act silly and live silly.

I’m grateful for a Mom and Dad, who still both equally harass and nag me [hi Mom and Dad] and still pay my cell my phone bill. I’m grateful for a family that I can be proud of, and am.

Happy Thanksgiving!

"Ash's Hip Hop 101" Series

I feel like Hip Hop speaks to my soul in deep and powerful ways that are very applicable to my white, middle class life. So I’m starting a new series. Hip Hop Dance Moves 101. Thank your lucky stars. No longer will you stand alone stiffly and awkwardly on the dance floor. Soon you will be able to shake it with the best of them.

Todays Dance Move:

Hyphy (HI-fee) originated in Oakland. Term coined by the rapper Keak Da Sneak. "Hyphy" is to Oakland as "Crunk" is to the Dirty South. An individual is considered to have “gotten hyphy” when they act or dance in an overstated, fast paced, manner of ridiculousness. Also called “getting stupid” or “going dumb.”

Shall we?...Get hyphy




The Father of Hyphy...put your stunner shades on.



You know you're a pro when you've blacked out from convulsing on the floor.

Stick around for the next Dance Move of the week.

Bred for Their Skillz in Magic

Change Your Life Fact of the Week:
My friend Greg pretty much knows everything there is to know about animals, especially bears. He’s a bear enthusiast. He TeVo’s all animal shows on the Discovery Channel so if Greg says something about animals, its fact.

Greg Fact #1 If you’re attacked by a shark just rub it on its nose. Sharks like that and they won’t bite you.
Greg Fact #2 Bears are pretty much the smartest animal in the world. When they have headaches they chew on bark.
Greg Fact #3: If you’re attacked by an alligator just hold their jaws shut with your hands. They have really weak jaw opening muscles
Greg Fact #4 Bears are Bad-A. And they have the best round house karate kick.

But the most recent and life changing Greg fact was this. Ligers, they are not just mythical and magical movie creations. Ligers are REAL!!! I didn’t believe it either. So I looked it up. A Liger is a hybrid cross between a male lion and a female tiger, bred for their skills in magic.



And they are the largest cats in the world. They’re crazy huge!! Scientists don’t know genetically what the heck happened that made them so big, but they are just enormous.



Liger - The funniest movie is here. Find it


Ligers are the new King of the Jungle. My hypothesis:

Liger verses Hippo = Liger
Liger verses Crocodile = Liger
Liger verses Great White = Liger

The only bad thing about Ligers is they aren’t in very good shape. They can only run like 100 yards and then they are tired. So if you’re attacked by a Liger and you can run more than 100 yards you’re in the clear.

Hot or Not??

I bought these bad-A Yaht shoes this weekend.



We live in an era where pretty much anything goes. The skill no longer is in knowing what’s “in style” but knowing “your style.” You can get away with murder. But today the verdict is: Yaht shoes…In!! (Says me and these guys)

Lip Gloss..Keeping Hip Hop Alive

I’m mostly speechless. All I can say is this song is poppin.



They say hip hop is dead, “not so long as it keeps our lips moist and glistening. May hip hop live forever with strawberry sparkles”- Matt Pettit

The Great Adventure

I’ve been strange-feeling since I saw “Into the Wild.” Have to fight the constant urge to be someplace else. So I finally decided to be someplace else. I grabbed my friend Matt, who is a fan of unplanned and spontaneous adventures, and we headed South, the direction of warmth.

Steinbeck has said that maps can be tyrants. We can be so immersed in road maps that we never actually see the country in which we travel. Matt and I became anarchists, for the most part, against maps and itineraries, however being lost became the side effect of abandoning road map tyranny.

Our journey began in Price, Utah at the Cowboy Kitchen, which translates to "a smoky chamber with no windows." We were greeted by an enthusiastic waitress who suffered through her early morning shift with our requests for ridiculous pictures and our obnoxious comedy. She laughed at our silliness which made it easy to forgive her for the dirty glasses, the fermented Orange Juice and the curious smell that lingered in the dining chamber with no windows.

Our trip was filled with many adventures that my memory will now exaggerate. Along the path to Devils Garden we lost our way. We created our own path through a steep canyon that dropped down into the layer of some large desert creature, my imagination will now call Mountain Lion, whose footprints were left fresh in the sand for our discovery. This quickened our pace, and heightened our sense of hearing. It sharpened our eye sight to which every rock became a growling predator.

Once we found the trail again, we almost stepped on a rattle snake if it weren’t for my paranoid sense of hearing. Lisa and Elmer, a strange couple we met on the trail, found our rattlesnake discovery very interesting and we found their fake English accents interesting as well.

I almost fell off a cliff on multiple occasions. Sister Sanchez, a friendly Filipino lady, comforted me atop the cliff edge of Delicate Arch, which was neither delicate in appearance, in reaching nor on my nerves, (and its much more incredible in person than our Utah license plates portray). Sister Sanchez comforted and distracted me while Matt danced around the slippery sandstone cliffs. I was left frozen between two rocks unable to move, convinced the rock I was wedged against was shifting and moving, and my feet could not find themselves secured to the Earth.

I was almost run off the road by a semi truck and then we were almost flooded out of the enclosed hot tub chamber by the Archway Inn staff.

It was decided that Arches National Park and all its attractions should be renamed, and Matt and myself were nominated to inherit this responsibility. We already have begun. Such names were conceived “Dark Angel and her Eternal watching Fan/ Priest” “Franky Four Fingers” “The All-Seeing Eye” “Melting Woman” “Black Eagle” “The Cobra” “the Adoring Monk” “Vomit Stripes Arch” “Skin Flesh Arch” “Dancing Fire Toes Arch” We thought our names were much more interesting than “balanced rock” or “Panorama Point.”

We also created a silly game/ competition in which we set the camera on a ledge and set the timer. Before the picture snapped we had to race to and pose ourselves at our impossible destination. Our pictures proved just how ridiculous this game was.

Our trip turned out to be exactly what I needed, and before we even got back to Provo I found myself planning the next great adventure.

Pictures from our Great Adventure

Halloween 2007!!

What a little night we had. Question: What is it about dressing up ridiculous that makes us act ridiculous? Well whatever the cause, I’m grateful for it. Oh boy did I look ridiculous.

Chelsea and I had to make a frantic last minute dash for our costumes. I was thinking I was going to have to sell my body and soul to find Chelsea a cane. Thank goodness for Earl at Savers, who stashed one away for me in the back. He said I could have it for a six-pack of beer. Very kind gentleman with an unforgettable cackle. Thanks Earl.

Suspenders, check. Mouth-guard, check. Dress gloves, check. Old school Air Nikes, check. After a long day of searching Utah Valley for miscellaneous items, our costumes started to come together in a harmonious concoction of thrift store excellence.

I pulled my socks up high, laced up my new kicks, pulled my protective eye wear over my eyes and looked up into the mirror. Perfection.

And so the night began with a little dancing at Nat’s fiesta. (I dance much better when I look as good as I did last night). Then off to the Hollywood House to watch Devin play. All the scantily clad girls were pretty jealous, and can you blame them? We made friends with a locksmith in a Pink Floyd shirt who assisted Lori in re-entering her Subi (Suburu). We were grateful to him, especially myself because jersey material is not very insulating.

And back to my place for a bit more silliness. I’m grateful for friends who don’t take themselves too seriously, who like to look silly and live silly. Halloween 2007 was the greatest.

Silly Pictures

More pictures will be posted shortly.