Teach Me How to Jerk

How about my two new favorite dances....


(go to about 20 seconds in)

Watch Out Here I Come: Zoom Party 2009

I’m having the post break-up depression that comes full throttle when the Film Festival ends. I have nothing more to look forward to except the warmth of spring. Though I don’t think my body could have taken another day. I’m burnt out and I’m starting to feel the symptoms of something terrible, something I could only diagnose as a brain tumor in my head and bubonic plague everywhere else. I’m not certain though, I’m no doctor. I’m just a humble waiter with nothing to offer this world except fine cuisine.

Time to update my imaginary Postcard from Mars audience of the events of the Festival, which will be unraveled in a series of posts. We’ll start with the big Zoom Party thrown by Cinetic Media.

The reason why this party is our favorite event of the year….80’s dancing! Dear D.J.- The quickest way to get me on the dance floor acting ridiculous is to grab the most terribly cliché neon pink album from the 80’s. Thank you John Melloncamp for the good times. He makes it hurt so good.


I would do anything for love….but I won’t do that

I come from a land down under..

Two American kids growing up in the Heartland…

why can’t I find a woman like that…


You can Dance if you want to…we can leave your friends behind cuz your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance they aint no friends of mine.

I'm a Girl of Humble Needs

While you all thought I was in the trunk of Ted Bundy's car, I really was in one of the greatest places in America, Seattle. We explored the whole city, and we ate like Kings, fattening up like prize heffers, thanks to my parental unit. Some notable and unforgettable events:
A lot of thrift store shopping.

We may have tried on every hat in Seattle.

We gave the Post Alley Gum Wall our stale Peppermint Orbit and in return it offered us this piece of advice...

Then went to a place that was barely shy of heaven. Comic book heaven.

We found the troll under the bridge.

Then we went to an 80’s Dancing Freak Show where I was attacked by a strange man in a full body spandex suit, though he was the best dancer in the world!

We sang Karaoke…:)

Seattle is such a quirky cool town. I wish I lived in a quiet loft above the market. Where I could walk down grab a comic book, a chai latte and some fresh fruit. Maybe even get some Salmon for dinner. I’m a girl of humble needs, and I think that’s all I would ever need. In the end, the trip was stinking fun slash funny.

Everything in its Right Place

Like I had previously predicted, Radiohead changed my life. The whole purpose of my wandering across the desert all night was to see Radiohead play at Golden Gate Park. Besides a few audio issues the show was incredible. We got there early and camped out all afternoon so that we could be second row in front of 60,000 people.



One of the highlights of the night,IDIOTEQUE. And Johnny in the background doing his wizard magic tricks.

From the very beginning Thom was in a dancing mood. This is him going crazy to IDIOTEQUE.

Thom was looking so cool in his tight, bright red pants. I'm in the process of purchasing my own red pants.

And Johnny going crazy playing "There There"

That San Francisco fog had rolled in during the show and made the whole concert that much cooler but also made my hair curly, blah.

50th Wedding Anniversary

I went to San Diego for my Grandparents 50th Wedding Anniversary a couple weeks back, and it made for an entertaining trip. Plus I came home with some pretty great footage.

My grandma dancing...


My Grandpa singing...


and dancing..

I Couldn't Resist...

Today is the celebration of my Father’s birth. Truth be told, I can’t keep track of how old he’s getting. I know my life is nearly over so he’s got to be getting up there. He may look really scary, but this big Hawaiian guy's pretty harmless. He’s also my number one fan and seems to always support everything I do, even if it's absurd. Happy Birthday Dad, here’s a little birthday gift from your daughter.



[This video was taken at my Grandparents 50th Wedding Anniversary. Dancers: Grandpa, Grandma and Dad]

In Addition to Todays Post

Please listen to "Heavy Metal Drummer" on my side bar. I can already tell this is gonna be my spring song. You might love this song.

Under Pressure

There is something about 80’s dancing that is naturally intoxicating. The things you’ll do on a dance floor to that genre of music. Why? I am not sure. I suppose its one of the great mysteries of the 80’s. Because of this phenomenon I went crazy the other night 80’s dancing for Rachel's Birthday.



Justin (back center) is my number one favorite dancer in the world!!



That is Mike's signature dance move!



Pressure. Pushing down on me, pushing down on me.



I love myself. I want you to love me.



But lately somethings changed and its hard to define. Jessies got himself a girl and i wanna make her mine...



Lets dance in style, lets dance for a while.


Let us die young or let us live forever... (Can you name all these songs?)
But really though, I want to be forever young.

Get Stupid

Watch me Crank It
Watch me Roll
Watch me Crank Dat Soulja Boy



I'm worried Tommies "crunking" is starting to interfere with his schoolwork..

Best of Fest 2008!!

Pretty much I have been received into the celebrity circle. Pretty much I walk on the red carpet now. And pretty much I know everyone in Hollywood. I danced with Chandler (Matthew Perry) against his will. He and his girlfriend didn’t like that very much. Tried talking to Luke Wilson, apparently he’s gay, because he talked to my friend Garrit instead. Clearly gay. I talked to Meg Ryan. I asked her, “Can I get this out of your way?” as I cleared her dinner plate.



Matt, Luke, Meg (we’re on a first name basis) Emily Blunt, Amy Redford, Rachel from Saturday night live, Jeff Lebowsky ,the owner of Lions Gate Entertainment, producers, directors, distributors.



They’re like Ash, Ash come party with us. I’m busy but I’m like ok. For the first time in my life I held V.I.P status. Actually not really at all but I was getting snuck in back door to V.I.P parties and I think I’m gonna hold on to the bragging rights to that one for a while.



Saw a couple films. One of my new friends got me into one of the bigger films he is selling called American Teen. It was so eternally awesome. Look for it this summer. Turned out to be the funnest week.

Best Christmas Ever?

Christmas Masquerades and Holiday Murders just might have been the coolest thing I’ve ever created and executed. Everybody went completely over the top on their costumes and characters. It was way better than I imagined. Matt and I have the coolest friends.

I was Lily Patricia Noble Sunshine Awesome. I have an eye patch. I was murdered


My whole apartment was lit by candles, we blew up about fifty balloons and old Jazz music was playing. The most exciting part of the night was watching people walk in and seeing the characters we wrote come to life in the most ridiculous way.

Lori was out of control. She was supposed to be really intoxicated and belligerent. She also drew really terrible portraits of everybody. This one was of Jennie.



In the middle of the room Russell, the Islamic extremist Militant Terrorist, prayed to Allah.



Scott won the ski pass for best performance. He was the eccentric and moody French writer. He ran away with the gypsies at a young age and wrote his first book “Chasing the Green Faery: My Time with the Pixies.” He made origami cranes for everyone that looked nothing like cranes.




Kristine was the child prodigy and socially awkward photographer who took all sorts of ridiculous pictures of people. One time she spent ten minutes posing everybody for a group photo then when she had us all perfect she took a picture in the other direction then casually walked off. This was one of her awkward pictures.



Bryce, Ernst the worst inventor in the world, won best costume. He was the murderer and he made everybody try on his horse shoe for humans.



One of the silliest nights.

Check out all the pictures

"Ash's Hip Hop 101" Series

I feel like Hip Hop speaks to my soul in deep and powerful ways that are very applicable to my white, middle class life. So I’m starting a new series. Hip Hop Dance Moves 101. Thank your lucky stars. No longer will you stand alone stiffly and awkwardly on the dance floor. Soon you will be able to shake it with the best of them.

Todays Dance Move:

Hyphy (HI-fee) originated in Oakland. Term coined by the rapper Keak Da Sneak. "Hyphy" is to Oakland as "Crunk" is to the Dirty South. An individual is considered to have “gotten hyphy” when they act or dance in an overstated, fast paced, manner of ridiculousness. Also called “getting stupid” or “going dumb.”

Shall we?...Get hyphy




The Father of Hyphy...put your stunner shades on.



You know you're a pro when you've blacked out from convulsing on the floor.

Stick around for the next Dance Move of the week.

Lip Gloss..Keeping Hip Hop Alive

I’m mostly speechless. All I can say is this song is poppin.



They say hip hop is dead, “not so long as it keeps our lips moist and glistening. May hip hop live forever with strawberry sparkles”- Matt Pettit

Halloween 2007!!

What a little night we had. Question: What is it about dressing up ridiculous that makes us act ridiculous? Well whatever the cause, I’m grateful for it. Oh boy did I look ridiculous.

Chelsea and I had to make a frantic last minute dash for our costumes. I was thinking I was going to have to sell my body and soul to find Chelsea a cane. Thank goodness for Earl at Savers, who stashed one away for me in the back. He said I could have it for a six-pack of beer. Very kind gentleman with an unforgettable cackle. Thanks Earl.

Suspenders, check. Mouth-guard, check. Dress gloves, check. Old school Air Nikes, check. After a long day of searching Utah Valley for miscellaneous items, our costumes started to come together in a harmonious concoction of thrift store excellence.

I pulled my socks up high, laced up my new kicks, pulled my protective eye wear over my eyes and looked up into the mirror. Perfection.

And so the night began with a little dancing at Nat’s fiesta. (I dance much better when I look as good as I did last night). Then off to the Hollywood House to watch Devin play. All the scantily clad girls were pretty jealous, and can you blame them? We made friends with a locksmith in a Pink Floyd shirt who assisted Lori in re-entering her Subi (Suburu). We were grateful to him, especially myself because jersey material is not very insulating.

And back to my place for a bit more silliness. I’m grateful for friends who don’t take themselves too seriously, who like to look silly and live silly. Halloween 2007 was the greatest.

Silly Pictures

More pictures will be posted shortly.

Stephanie surprised me with this project she has been working on for a while. So easily amused am I. I think its pretty stinking great.